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If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:12 am

CENSORED



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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:26 pm

LOL, I've missed you fluff !!!!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:11 am

Just for you I'll not wear any knickers !!!! lol

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:30 am

we all know that Pat has all our knickers so we have no choice but to go knickerless.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:41 am

God IS Alien

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:41 pm

Grandfather

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.
"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:42 pm

How to tell if your Viagra is working


At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats
Your face is very pale due to lack of blood
When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds
People begin to call you "the tripod."
You begin to think your mother in law is pretty
Birds perch on it when you stand outside nude
You look like a sundial when sunbathing nude
Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.
You always lose limbo contests.
You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick
You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:43 pm

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice. The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:45 pm

New Bride

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:24 pm

Spat my beer out on the last one.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:26 pm

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.

Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"

Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:35 pm

What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a 10 foot long hose?
"Darling"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:23 pm

There was a captain that took his ship on a long voyage... but the sailors got a bit randy during this voyage.

So the captain provided a barrel with a hole and instructed the sailors to relieve themselves into the barrel. If they filled it up, there would be a bonus, he promised.

The sailors filled up the barrel, and ther was peace on the voyage.

Upon returning home, he realized that he had a huge barrel filled with "excess", so he sold it to a candle maker.

After the next voyage, he returned to the candle maker offering another barrel for sale.

"NO WAY" said the candle maker

"why not" asked the captain "didn't it make good wax?"

"sure it did, the candles were excellent"

"so then, whats the problem?"

"well," replied the candlemaker.... "you see that convent up on the hill? It's full of pregnant nuns!"



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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Sparky on Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:06 pm



ROFL, do you see it Question
please post if ya find it
tongue

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:36 pm

Fluff's looking, Fluff's looking, but he's not really bothered if he doesn't find it.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:48 pm

Is it whatever is at the window behind the bath ?

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:42 pm

Eeeeek Spooky!

Fluff always comes to the rescue of fair maidens

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Fri Oct 09, 2009 3:38 am

Oh yeah, you'd jump in that bath to "save" all those poor maidens wouldn't you, lol

Sigh... My hero... lol


That's not you at the window is it Fluff ?

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Sparky on Fri Oct 09, 2009 4:26 am

lol!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Fri Oct 09, 2009 7:56 am

Looking at their faces I think there's a rampant rabbit in there somewhere

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Guest on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:42 pm



Last edited by FLUFFY on Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Sparky on Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:52 pm

WOW thats funny happy 5

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:43 pm

a blonde gets a job as a teacher.

she notices a boy on the fireld stood by himself while all the other kids are running round having fun.

she takes pity on him and decides to speak to him

"you ok" she says

"yes" he says

"you can play with the other kids you know"

"its best if i stay here" he replies

"why" asks the blonde

the boy replies

"because im the fu**ing goalie

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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