Similar topics
Search
Paypal
Latest topics
Statistics
We have 200 registered usersThe newest registered user is NightFox
Our users have posted a total of 10873 messages in 1085 subjects
If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
+7
Rose
bat
Virago
Cookiemnstr
Sparky
sled
startkey
11 posters
dtk :: General Chat :: The Graveyard
Page 5 of 6
Page 5 of 6 • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
LOL, I've missed you fluff !!!!
Rose- Founder
- Posts : 836
Join date : 2009-05-28
Location : London
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Just for you I'll not wear any knickers !!!! lol
Rose- Founder
- Posts : 836
Join date : 2009-05-28
Location : London
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
we all know that Pat has all our knickers so we have no choice but to go knickerless.
Virago- Founder
- Posts : 1447
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 54
Location : UK
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
God IS Alien
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Grandfather
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.
"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.
"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
Virago- Founder
- Posts : 1447
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 54
Location : UK
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
How to tell if your Viagra is working
At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats
Your face is very pale due to lack of blood
When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds
People begin to call you "the tripod."
You begin to think your mother in law is pretty
Birds perch on it when you stand outside nude
You look like a sundial when sunbathing nude
Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.
You always lose limbo contests.
You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick
You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.
At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats
Your face is very pale due to lack of blood
When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds
People begin to call you "the tripod."
You begin to think your mother in law is pretty
Birds perch on it when you stand outside nude
You look like a sundial when sunbathing nude
Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.
You always lose limbo contests.
You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick
You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.
Virago- Founder
- Posts : 1447
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 54
Location : UK
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice. The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hell! I'm telling everybody!"
Virago- Founder
- Posts : 1447
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 54
Location : UK
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
New Bride
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"
Virago- Founder
- Posts : 1447
Join date : 2009-05-29
Age : 54
Location : UK
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Spat my beer out on the last one.
sled- Posts : 38
Join date : 2009-07-20
Age : 55
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.
Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"
Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"
sled- Posts : 38
Join date : 2009-07-20
Age : 55
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a 10 foot long hose?
"Darling"
sled- Posts : 38
Join date : 2009-07-20
Age : 55
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
There was a captain that took his ship on a long voyage... but the sailors got a bit randy during this voyage.
So the captain provided a barrel with a hole and instructed the sailors to relieve themselves into the barrel. If they filled it up, there would be a bonus, he promised.
The sailors filled up the barrel, and ther was peace on the voyage.
Upon returning home, he realized that he had a huge barrel filled with "excess", so he sold it to a candle maker.
After the next voyage, he returned to the candle maker offering another barrel for sale.
"NO WAY" said the candle maker
"why not" asked the captain "didn't it make good wax?"
"sure it did, the candles were excellent"
"so then, whats the problem?"
"well," replied the candlemaker.... "you see that convent up on the hill? It's full of pregnant nuns!"
So the captain provided a barrel with a hole and instructed the sailors to relieve themselves into the barrel. If they filled it up, there would be a bonus, he promised.
The sailors filled up the barrel, and ther was peace on the voyage.
Upon returning home, he realized that he had a huge barrel filled with "excess", so he sold it to a candle maker.
After the next voyage, he returned to the candle maker offering another barrel for sale.
"NO WAY" said the candle maker
"why not" asked the captain "didn't it make good wax?"
"sure it did, the candles were excellent"
"so then, whats the problem?"
"well," replied the candlemaker.... "you see that convent up on the hill? It's full of pregnant nuns!"
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
ROFL, do you see it
please post if ya find it
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Fluff's looking, Fluff's looking, but he's not really bothered if he doesn't find it.
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Is it whatever is at the window behind the bath ?
Rose- Founder
- Posts : 836
Join date : 2009-05-28
Location : London
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Eeeeek Spooky!
Fluff always comes to the rescue of fair maidens
Fluff always comes to the rescue of fair maidens
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Oh yeah, you'd jump in that bath to "save" all those poor maidens wouldn't you, lol
Sigh... My hero... lol
That's not you at the window is it Fluff ?
Sigh... My hero... lol
That's not you at the window is it Fluff ?
Rose- Founder
- Posts : 836
Join date : 2009-05-28
Location : London
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Looking at their faces I think there's a rampant rabbit in there somewhere
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
Last edited by FLUFFY on Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
Guest- Guest
Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post
a blonde gets a job as a teacher.
she notices a boy on the fireld stood by himself while all the other kids are running round having fun.
she takes pity on him and decides to speak to him
"you ok" she says
"yes" he says
"you can play with the other kids you know"
"its best if i stay here" he replies
"why" asks the blonde
the boy replies
"because im the fu**ing goalie
she notices a boy on the fireld stood by himself while all the other kids are running round having fun.
she takes pity on him and decides to speak to him
"you ok" she says
"yes" he says
"you can play with the other kids you know"
"its best if i stay here" he replies
"why" asks the blonde
the boy replies
"because im the fu**ing goalie
startkey- Posts : 96
Join date : 2009-07-19
Page 5 of 6 • 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
dtk :: General Chat :: The Graveyard
Page 5 of 6
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:00 pm by Sparky
» Sorry
Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:08 am by Atomis
» HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015
Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:34 am by holycow
» Custom mapcycle in our CE server
Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:03 am by Atomis
» !![%DTK] - Revisited Gephy & Winder
Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:42 am by Atomis
» New map in our Halo server
Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:34 am by Atomis
» Download for !![%DTK] - Revisited Gephy & Winder
Fri Mar 28, 2014 4:21 am by Atomis
» Guild Wars 2
Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:07 pm by Ghost
» New Sonata artica coming up
Sat Feb 08, 2014 6:57 pm by Atomis
» New Chiodos is Nowwww
Sat Feb 08, 2014 12:08 am by Atomis
» This album rock
Mon Jan 13, 2014 8:05 am by holycow
» On the First Day of Christmas
Wed Dec 25, 2013 11:46 am by Virago
» Parlant Français
Thu Sep 12, 2013 1:20 am by Atomis
» Happy Birthday Pat!
Tue Aug 20, 2013 11:08 am by Atomis
» New album from Escape The Fate ^^
Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:42 pm by Atomis
» Haloooooooooooo :P
Sun May 26, 2013 1:43 pm by Ghost
» Best Halo screenshot EVER MADE!
Tue May 07, 2013 4:12 pm by Atomis
» Mods not working
Sun May 05, 2013 5:31 pm by Ghost
» Selling my first single - soon to be updated to full album if it goes down well
Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:34 am by holycow
» New IP for our Halo CE server
Fri Apr 19, 2013 9:09 am by Atomis