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If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:53 pm

stevey wonder plays a 3 hour concert in tokyo.

at the end he asks if there are any requests.

a japanes man sat at the front jumps up and shouts

"play a jazz chord"

so stevey plays 15 mins of perfect harlem jazz

then the same man shouts

"no! play a jazz chord"

so stevey says

"if you can do better you slanty eyed bas***rd cum up and ave ago"

so the japanese man sits at the piano picks up the microphone and sings

"A JAZZ CHORD TO SAY A RUV YOU..."

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:13 am

lol

heres a joke for all

A magician is recruted to entertain the passengers aboard the Titanic but every time he tries to preform his tricks they are always foiled by the captains parrot. For the entire journey this happens until the ship hits the iceburg.
The magician manages to get a lifeboat to himself along with the parrot. For days the parrot doesnt say a word until finally it manages to pluck up the courage to say "ok you clever ******* where did you hide the ship?"
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by bat on Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:36 am

lol! n1 - and the sexual nature is ... emmm .... lolololol

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Thu Nov 05, 2009 11:57 am

I didnt realise it had 2 do with sex!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:01 pm

lol its ok James ..... i set up this section to keep all the rude jokes in one place. and i guess the bad word makes it ok in here! You can start a new topic for different types of jokes if you wish

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:46 am

na im fine i know loads of bad jokes!
heres one
Whats the difference between an airship and 365 blow jobs
Ones a Goodyear, the others an excellent year!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:26 pm

4 jamaicans were sitting round a campfire near a beach.

they were all philosophizing on what was the fastest thing in the world.

seymour says "i tink the fastest ting in de world is a thought,cos b4 u can think it is hallready a thought"

winston says "nah man the fastest ting is a blink,cos before u tink to blink u done blink already"

delroy says "the fastest ting is helectricity cos when u turn on de

light the light travel fass and de lite come on"

leroy says "nah man, the fastest ting is diarrhoea"

"diarrhoea!" they all say

"yes cos last night b4 i could tink ,blink,or switch de lite on i done **** meself"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:24 pm

lol!!!!!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:33 pm

Hi all

Two police women are out on foot patrol with their alsatian dog. One says " I'm getting a bit cold and I've left my thermal knickers back at the station." The other one says " Use the dog, give him a sniff of your fanny and he'll fetch them for you". So she lets the dog have a sniff and he runs off back to the station. Two hrs later he returns with a truncheon, a plastic baton, a baseball bat and 3 of the Sergeants fingers.




The Day The Penis Asked For A Raise: I hereby request a raise in salary. Because, I do physical labour at great depths. I dont get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a wet environment in a dark place that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures and my work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely P.Niss.

Response: After considering your request and the arguments raised we reject it for the following reasons: you are part time and fall asleep after brief work periods. You need to be stimulated into starting work. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift and dont observe safety rules such as protective clothing. You cant work double shifts and you often dribble! Yours sincerely V.Gina.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:08 pm

ha ha ha ha sled......love it!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:13 pm

zookeeper says to paddy

"the gorilla's on heat & we need someone to have sex with it-would you consider shagging it for £500 "?

paddy replies

"i will on 3 conditions:

"1st condition i'm not going to kiss it"

"2nd condition my family must never find out"

"and 3rd condition i'l need a couple of weeks to get the money together"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:18 pm

his & her diary page 1 saturday

hers:

"he was quiet,just not himself something was wrong.he hasn't kissed me all night, not even looked in my direction.i think its another woman.i went to bed and cried.he followed me up later.i cuddled up to him and stroked his hair, he lay still. eventually we made love and fell asleep in each others arms"

his:

"liverpool lost, fucking gutted. got a shag though"




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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:24 pm

lol V.Good!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:04 pm

and it was at this time during the darkest days of christianity

that, as he was nailed to the cross and raised up for all to gaze

upon his tortured and twisted body, he looked down wearily at his

12 apostles and speaking softlywith his last gasping breath said unto them:


"dont touch my easter eggs....i'l be back on monday"

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Mon Apr 12, 2010 4:39 am

lol
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Mon Apr 12, 2010 11:09 am

one day superman was feeling horny & asked his superhero friends were he could get some action

everyone agreed wonderwoman was the best shag in comic land.

"but she and i are friends, i cant take adavntage of her" said superman

10 minutes later he's flying round and sees wonderwoman lying in a field naked with her legs apart and thinks:

'im faster than a speeding bullet,i can be in and out before she knows im here'

so with a sonic boom & blur hes down in and gone

wonderwoman stares at the sky & says

"wot the hell was that?"

"dont no" says the invisible man

"but my fecking arse is killing me!"



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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Tue Apr 13, 2010 6:03 am

loooooooooooooool poor invisible man!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Sun May 09, 2010 3:52 pm

ok this joke does not have a sexual nature but... it does have swearing so it belongs here!
here goes

A womaniser dies and goes to hell for his sins. He's greeted by the Devil who tells him he has a choice of three rooms for his eternal stay. Asking if he can view them before he decides, the man is led to the first room. He opens the door to discover a million people standing on their heds on a concrete floor. "I don't like the look of that" says the man. When taken to the second room the scene is the same but the people are standing on there heads on a wooden floor, again the man doesn't like it. He is led to the third room where he sees a million people standing knee-deep in s**t, smoking and drinking coffee. Despite the smell the man decides this is the best option and tells Satan of his decision.
Five minutes later the devil returns, claps his hands and orders: 'Okay you lot. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!'
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by bat on Tue Jun 22, 2010 6:24 am

3 nuns died. They were on their way to heaven. At heavens door Petrus stopped them and said:
"Hello my three nuns, before you are allowed to pass through heavens door into paradise, each one of you has to answer a question.

Here is the first one for you: 'Who was the first human being on earth?'"

"Oh, it's an easy one, it was Adam."

"That's right, come in."

"Now here is the second one for you. 'Who was the second human being on earth?'"

"Oh, it's an easy one, it was Eve."

"That's right, come in."

"Here is the third one for you. What did Eve say to Adam, when she met him first time?"

"Oh, Ohhhh, OHHHHH, it's a hard one."

"That's right, come in."

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Ghost on Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:12 am

lolololololololololol v good!
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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