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If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:36 pm

wigan girls pick up a perfume sample from the counter.

sharon sprays it on her wrist

"thats nice innit trace dont you fink"

"yeah whats it called?"

"vien a moi!"

"what the f**k does that mean shaz ?"

the assistant pipes up, "its french for ..come to me "

shaz sniffs again

"dont smell like come to me, does it to you trace"

lol!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:38 pm

im really sorry if i offended anyonebut sled/jim egged me on and i apologise

Embarassed

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:39 pm

ha ha ha sled its your fault pal

affraid na na

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Tue Jul 21, 2009 4:30 pm

My fault, my fault.
Tchh he's blaming me now.
Just like a scouser. Very Happy

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Sparky on Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:20 pm

lol! lol! lol! We have very lazy forum mods spam

scratch wait, i'm a mod too happy 5 whistle

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Sparky on Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:27 pm

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

happy 5

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Cookiemnstr on Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:31 pm



Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.



The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.. 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in
the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.



The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from the University of Tennessee and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.'
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Cookiemnstr on Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:32 pm

ooooppppsssssssss..............sorry not sure how that happened mad 3
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Cookiemnstr on Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:41 pm

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your house.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want! Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director
would be my first guess.."
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:23 am

Sparky wrote:lol! lol! lol! We have very lazy forum mods spam

scratch wait, i'm a mod too happy 5 whistle


I changed the title and put it in red as a warning what more do you want? Surely you are not suggestion censorship, are you? love 6

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by bat on Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:36 am

Laughing Nice jockes! I dont think that somebody could be hurt, insulted ore be whatever by this (if i understand them right Embarassed ).

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Virago on Wed Jul 22, 2009 4:47 am

I'm happy you agree, Alex.

Can I ask that all jokes of this nature are restricted to this post, as there are people that may be offended. This way they have been warned and can avoid it. Thank you.


pffft who says I'm a lazy mod? Razz

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Cookiemnstr on Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:32 am

> Choosing a wife
>
> A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among
> three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
> watches to see what they do with the money.
>
>
> The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
> gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses
> up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be
> more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
>
> The man was impressed.
>
>
>
>
> The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set
> of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
> clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent
> all the money on him because she loves him so much.
>
>
> Again, the man is impressed.
>
>
>
>
> The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
> times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the
> remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
> their future because she loves him so much.
>
>
>
>
> Obviously, the man was impressed.
>
>
>
>
> The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
> the money he'd given her.
>
>
>
> Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
>
>
> Men are like that, you know.
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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:53 am

thanks alex as they were just a bit of fun, with no intention to offend.

affraid lol!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:01 am

I think a person would have to have no sense of humour to start censoring this topic !!!!

Does anyone want to nominate someone ?? LOL

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:08 am

ha ha rose....dont tempt fate O_O

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:11 am

no volunteers then ??? lol

Maybe from a certain European country ??

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:12 am

iran maybe? Rolling Eyes

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:14 am

lol no, closer to the UK, not known for their sense of humour

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:16 am

germanica perhaps? lolol sorry any german people reading this

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:35 am

lol i didn't say the country, it wasn't me, I didn't do it.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:37 am

dagnabit gemma you twicked me into saying it

affraid happy 2

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by Rose on Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:49 am

I didn't trick nobody !!!!

I am a good girl, so there !!!!!!

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by startkey on Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:25 pm

yeah yeah yeah, your mind is extremely fiendish you used a technique to get me to say it then boom! u fade to grey O_O

kudos missy

Wink

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

Post by sled on Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:01 pm

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your arse says the boyfriend.

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Re: If you are easily offended by jokes of a sexual nature please do not read this post

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